woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
