Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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