i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
