Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
