sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
