what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
