My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
