He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
