I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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