I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
