I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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