is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
