worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
