Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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