theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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