U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
