i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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