I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
