I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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