She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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