I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
