If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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