If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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