Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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