She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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