Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
