someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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