I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
