i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
