Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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