I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
