Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
