I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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