My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
