I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
