Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
