Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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