i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
