just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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