so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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