She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
