my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
