I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
