rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
