he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
