He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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