bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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