Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
