I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
