So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
